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  EMS humor

Home > Health & safety > EMS humor

EMS Humor and Other Fun Stuff

Life's tragedies can best be handled if we stop and laugh every now and then. But not everyone enjoys the same type of humor, so be careful what you laugh about in mixed company! My favorite quips so far are,

"There are no such things as accidents—just two people competing for the same point on the space-time continuum."
—Linda G., ER nurse and administrator

"You know you are in EMS when you wash your hands before going to the bathroom."

Unofficial Field Dictionary

Straight from the field ... a collection of real-life words and their true meanings.

• "Spontaneous Idiopathic Fernoquadriplegia or Spontaneous Idiopathic Strykerquadriplegia - Patient suddenly succumbs to total body paralysis when transferring to hospital stretcher from your Stryker or Ferno stretcher."
  Submitted by Brian M.



• NKDA - "not known, didn't ask."
  Submitted by Cade W., source unknown.



• "Economically challenged urban outdoorsman" is the politically correct term for a homeless man.
  Submitted by Brandon L.



• "Under bridge resident" (or UBR) is an alternate term for a homeless person.
  Submitted by Steve R.



• "Gravity storms" cause a rash of falls and fall-related injuries.
  Submitted by Jake O.



• "Anti-gravity storms" cause accidents with ejections.
  Submitted by Jake O.



• "The solution to pollution is dilution," referring to the treatment for foreign substances on skin, in eyes, etc.
  Submitted by Jeff D.



• "Drive faster."
  Submitted by Larry L.



• "TMB or 'too many birthdays.'" My favorite diagnosis!
  Submitted by Brandon L.

Murphy's Law Is Alive and Well in EMS

• If you discuss a particular Standing Written Order with your partner, you are guaranteed to have THAT type of patient during THAT shift.
• My friend and co-worker, Cade, says it's all about karma: whatever type of call you dislike the most is what you will get.
• Timothy of New York says, "Never expect the c/c that your dispatch gives you. Foot injury=amputation, injury from a fall=code, code=pt wishing tx for a lunch tray at your local ER."
• Cat D. says, "Mind your P's and Q's: Never say 'Peaceful' or 'Quiet' or all hell will break loose!!"
• Trish D. says, "When I was a brand new EMT, I would pace the floors wishing for a "good" run. My first Paramedic partner always said she'd never take her boots off because if she did, she'd get a run within 30 minutes. But when I'd beg her long enough, she'd give in to shut me up, and sure enough ... it never failed. Then she'd have to hear me scream, 'Hurry up!' while she put them back on. Those were the good old days ..."

Karen's Rules of the EMS Road

1. Go the bathroom every chance you get.
2. Eat before you get hungry. Better yet, graze on healthy food all day.
3. Learn something new every day.
4. Ask questions when you don't know or aren't sure. When you ask a question, make sure you listen to the answer.
5. Don't make the same mistake twice. Learn from your mistakes, but don't let them beat you up.
6. If you don't want to be bothered by other people's problems, you are in the wrong line of work.
7. "Love what you do." Submitted by Kathy F.
8. "Use the books as a tool to enhance your common sense, not to replace it." Submitted by Kyle K.
9. Submit your rule

Life's Little Pearls

Priceless advice from those who have been there, done that and got a t-shirt!

• "If is isn't in writing it didn't happen!!!"
  Submitted by William R.



• "Asystole is the only stable rhythm."
  Submitted by Michael G.



• "Every day is a good day, there's just some better than others."
  Submitted by Ron B.



• "If you forget to stock it, you are going to need it."
  Submitted by Stuart B.



• "Scene safety: The life you save may take your own!"
  Submitted by Steve R.



• "I like the job security—people will ALWAYS be doing stupid things to themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time !!!!"
  Submitted by Barb E.



• "I'm sure it will come off ..."
  Submitted by Niidare



• "Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, anything else is bad."
  Submitted by DJW



• "If you respond to any motor vehicle accident call after midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking: somebody is still missing."
  Submitted by Eddie



• "EMS Prime Directive: If it's sticky and it's not yours ... don't touch it!"
  Submitted by Don W.



• "Don't worry, all bleeding stops ... eventually."
  Submitted by Don W.



• "If you are shy and sensitive, you have to change or get out!!!"
  Submitted by Brandy W.



• "As long as there are scissors and a barf bag in the jump kit you are fine!"
  Submitted by Jake O.



• "After dark, always bring your beating stick with optional lighting attachment." (also known as a Maglite®)
  Submitted by Larry L.



• "Life is a terminal illness."
  Submitted by Tony S.



• "If you drop the baby, pick it up!"
  Submitted by Kit H.



• "If you drop the baby, fake a seizure!"
  Submitted by Steve H.



• "I can't fix stupid."
  Submitted by Brandon and Anna



• Submit your pearl

Top 10 Reasons to Love EMS

Pick your favorite ten ...

1. I never have the same day twice.
2. I get to drive fast with flash.
3. I get to take care of people when they are sick or hurt.
4. I get to comfort families when they are concerned or grieving.
5. I work with cool people.
6. "I get to help little kids, and comfort them in their time of need." Submitted by Christie C.
7. "Because the chicks dig it." Submitted by Mary A.
8. "I get to play with cool toys!!" Submitted by Courtney S.
9. "My work truck looks cooler then my own truck." Submitted by Scott M.
10. "Where else can you be knee-deep in blood and not get arrested??" Submitted by Jon S.
11. "If it weren't for drunks and idiots, 87% of us would be laid off tomorrow." Submitted by Ben W.
12. "I get to cut peoples' clothes off legally." Submitted by Jess W.
13. "I can shove things into peoples' noses and get away with it." Submitted by Jess W.
14. "As a dispatcher, I get to tell people where to go and what to do when they get there. (And they have to listen!)" Submitted by Liz S.
15. "The money of course, $7.00 an hour is the BOMB!" Submitted by Dinah B.
16. Submit your reason

Movies and TV shows based on EMS

• Bringing Out the Dead (1999), fiction directed by Martin Scorsese, starring Nicolas Cage, Patricia Arquette, John Goodman, Ving Rhames, Tom Sizemore, and Mary Beth Hurt - from the darker side.
• Broken Vessels (1999), fiction starring Jason London and Todd Field - reviews are great!
• Emergency! - Do you wonder what happened to Johnny and Roy? The pilot aired on January 15, 1972, and the series ran for five years.
  • Emergency! Season One on DVD
  • Emergency! Season Two on DVD
  Also, you can find individual episodes in VHS format (used) on Amazon.com and eBay!
• Mother, Jugs & Speed (1976), fiction starring Rachel Welch, Bill Cosby, Harvey Keitel and Larry Hagman - a must-see for anyone in EMS.
• Paramedics (1988), fiction starring Christopher MacDonald.

Other humor sites

• EMS Sniglets - anyone my age will know what a sniglet is ...

I am not an ambulance driver! - official Web site of paramedic/humorist Steve Berry.

• Medic Fuster Clucks - infamous stories from EMS House of deFrance.
• The Sick EMS Humor Association
• You might be in EMS if ... - this list appears on many Web sites, but this is the first time I have found the material credited.

Patron Saints

According to Catholic Online:

• St. Michael the Archangel is the patron saint of sick people and police officers. Other sources list St. Michael as the patron saint of EMTs and paramedics. His feast day is September 29.
• St. Florian (feast day: May 4) and St. John of God (feast day: March 8) are the patron saints of firefighters.

Patron saint jewelry is available from the Roberts EMT Catalog.

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Updated 11.05.06

"Life is what happens to us while we're making other plans."
—John Lennon